I really am not sure what it is about me that screams "please cheat with me." Online, in real life, the only men I seem to attract these days are those in open relationships, those in "open" relationships (meaning they're allowed to fuck around but not form romantic attachments), or men who just plain want to cheat on their partners.
I'm doing a new show and at the first table read I asked my fellow cast members if they were on Facebook or Twitter, so I could add them. One guy, who is playing the "Ladies' Man" part in the show, leaned over and wrote his name and telephone number on the top of my script.
"That's how you find me if you want a response," he said. I was surprised that he had been so forward, but treated it as nothing. As it happened, I found him on both Facebook and Twitter, so I texted him, to jokingly call him a liar, that he was clearly available on social media, and we bantered back and forth for awhile - all perfectly innocent.
A few weeks later, the Ladies' Man missed rehearsal, and our director told us he was stuck in Toronto.
"Toronto?!" I texted him.
"Long story," he replied. "I'll make it up to you later - just you."
I responded with an "LOL" and thought nothing of it.
The Ladies' Man was back in rehearsals this week, and his usual flirty self, with not just me, but all of the cast members. He promised me that he would bring me a certain book I wanted to read, and after our last rehearsal, I texted him to remind him to bring it the next time I saw him. He didn't reply for a couple of days. Then, today:
"Sorry about the late reply. I'm usually a lot quicker...at texting."
Me: "It better just be texting."
Him: "Everything else I take my time with and do properly. And repeatedly. And thoroughly."
Him again, a minute later: "And secretly."
Him: "That was my water-testing innuendo. If you want I'll go Shakepearean on that ass."
Me (amused now): "Bring. It."
Him: "If thine heart desires, and lest ye mention to thine cohorts, I shall gladly know thee in the biblical sense..."
Me: "Intriguing. Wherefore art thou so clandestine?"
Him: "Wherefore? Preferably at your quarters."
Note: Disappointing that the Ladies' Man does not know that "wherefore" actually means "why," not "where."
Me, again: "In plain English, why the "secret" requirement? Secret from our fellow cast members, or is there some third party to worry about?"
Him: "All of the above."
Hmmm. So, hot guy wants me, but only in secret? And he has been engaging in super-flirty times with me despite having a girlfriend?
I really don't know why it is I attract this kind of invitation, or that men think I'm happy to just be their plaything rather than the main event. I don't get it. I really don't.
That being said, my reply to the Ladies' Man was: "I'm not saying no."
Him: "Maybe is my favourite word in the English language."